Someone attacked Bigfoot in Shrewsbury Township over the weekend, according to state police.
Luckily, there's no need to alert a certain television show featuring excitable charlatans with night-vision goggles, because state police said the Bigfoot in question is merely a statue.
The Sasquatch statue sits in the front yard of a home along Ridge Meadow Road in Shrewsbury Township, according to police, who said someone vandalized it between 8 p.m. Friday and 7 a.m. Saturday.
Bigfoot is owned by resident David Martinez Jr., 52, who could not be reached for comment.
Anyone with information about the criminal mischief is asked to call Trooper Shannon Eickenseer of the state police barracks in Loganville at (717) 428-1011.
— Reach Liz Evans Scolforo at firstname.lastname@example.org.