Dear Congress,

I feel awful about the timing of this letter and hope it doesn't ruin your vacation but I have to get something off my chest.

This isn't working for me.

I've always carried my own weight in this relationship and never asked you for a dime. And that was fine — until you started making unreasonable demands, like pre-funding my employees' pensions to the tune of about $5.5 billion annually.

You wouldn't think of asking another government agency or business to do the same. Why would you treat me like that?

I think you're taking advantage of our unique relationship — me being an independent agency that doesn't receive any of your tax money, yet you having a say in my operations.

You've become controlling.

Did you ever consider that I've been doing this oh, since about 1775, and maybe I know a thing or two about delivering letters and packages? For years, I warned you this was a bad idea, but you never listened.

Maybe you were too busy puttering around the Capitol, working on one of your projects (which, by the way, you never seem to finish), or traipsing off on some campaign. ... Honestly, I don't know what you do with your time.

Still, I've tried to make your harebrained idea work.

If you expect me to set aside more than $5 billion a year, I need to make a few changes. Heck, I need to make changes anyway, as more of my customers rely on email and online bill-paying, or use private mail handlers like UPS and Fed-Ex.


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Yet when I ask permission to end Saturday delivery service, close facilities I don't even need any more, or — God forbid — do away with your pre-funded pension mandate, I get the silent treatment.

I think you might actually want me to fail.

In that case, it looks like you're going to get your wish.

Since you've been gone, I learned my business has racked up a $2 billion loss for the spring quarter alone, even as mail volume increased and I brought in more revenue.

Now I can't even make the $5.7 billion pension payment due next month if I wanted to, plus I need $10 billion to replace old vehicles, buy new equipment and upgrade facilities.

I feel like I've always been there for you through rain, sleet, dark of night and so on. Now it's your turn to step up — or at least step out of the way and let me do what needs to be done.

If not, then one of these days I'm just not going to be there for you.

Hope you're having a wonderful recess — wish you were here.

Sincerely,

The U.S. Postal Service